Confidential: Operation Nightcrawler VII
 

After a four years break, 'Operation Nightcrawler VII' took place once again on the shores of Hong Kong. Planned to 'inflict maximum possible pain to the minds and bodies of our Sailors' Operation Nightcrawler ('ONC') fully lived up to its self-declared goal.

Starting at 2000hrs in Agave for pre-op nutrition intake, the place was soon filled with Sailors sporting the Navy's classic yet stylish 'Naval Academy' t-shirt. While POFC Vince already hours before the event gave regular updates on possible delays, most Sailors actually managed to show up at the meeting point before 2100hrs. As ONC protocol requires, missing Sailors or Sailors that have not reported for duty on time have been recorded meticulously. However, it did not come as a surprise to Admiralty and ONC Command that the usual suspects of Sailors from French and UK origin have not managed to report on time. Given their bravery shown in later stages of the mission and their contribution to the ultimate success of the operation, ONC Command has decided not to reprimand these Sailors on the account of no show. However, ONC Command wishes to again stress that the entire ONC schedule (handed out to all Sailors at the start of ONC Š in clearly legible font 2 size) needs to be fulfilled in order to accomplish one of the highest achievements in the life of every Sailor of the Navy: the successful completion of an ONC. So far, only one Sailor ever has accomplished this feat for three or more times: LCDR Erne. To all other Sailors: take note!

2100hrs Agave, Wan Chai
Attendance: 15 Sailors
All Sailors have received their mission schedule. It was a nice surprise to also have CMDR Mei (ret.) on board, at least for the first stage of ONC. After some burritos and a couple of Mexican beers the AdmiralÕs long-standing relation to the bartender resulted in a free round of Tequila shots. Soon after, ONC Command called for a move of position (the first of many) in what was still an early night.

2200hrs Billidart, Wan Chai
Attendance: 17 Sailors
Announced as the first competition of the night, various groups of Sailors competed in beerpong, a game previously unknown to a number of Sailors. Sailor Jason felt very confident given the rich tradition the game has in his home country (which - one may be tempted to say - has aside from beerpong a distinctive lack thereof). Unfortunately, he repeatedly failed to deliver and had to witness a bunch of Sailors winning time and again. While the Sailors were engaged in a number of variations of the original beerpong competition, ONC Command together with CPT Streun frantically had to improvise for the next competition scheduled for 2330hrs 'The Navy's got talent'. Following a number of days during which ONC Command requested POFC Reto to get access to his extensive database of female field agents, POFC Reto finally declared the files will remain locked and not be shared given personal interests. ONC Command has noted this breach of Navy code of conduct and has informed the Admiralty accordingly. Thanks however to CPT Streun's improvisations skills, a more than able replacement of three ladies was found within 30 minutes to assist during the next competition. These ladies were led by Megan, our new drummer for the 2013 season. In the meantime, POFC Tom joined the mission, airlifted directly from his exile in France for the occasion and for what all but one Sailor knew is going to come later during the night: Sailor Greg's stag night. Well done Sailors for not spilling the secret!

Right on time at 2315hrs, the ONC squad left its position to relocate back to the heart of Wan Chai.

2330hrs Typhoon, Wan Chai
Attendance 17 Sailors, Sailor Woody MIA
For the next competition, 'The Navy's got talent', all Sailors had to line up and introduce themselves stating name, rank and home country to the three female judges. While most Sailors were not even able to do that (for future reference: any Sailor saluting again with his left hand will be thrown overboard at the next possible occasion), some Sailors were actually able to impress with their charm. As a result, five Sailors advanced to the next round, during which the guys competed in push-up competitions. (The ultimate three winners will then be under the command of the three ladies for a limited amount of time). Our three judges were previously instructed to make sure Sailor Greg will be one of the winners of the competition in order to set the stage for the next operation 'zero dark zero'.

0000hrs 'zero dark zero'
Right at midnight, Sailor Joff announced the second major operation of the night, Sailor Greg's stag night. As a result, Sailor Greg was dressed up in what resembled a combination of drag queen and female French naval officer. As one of the three winners from the 'Navy's got talent' competition, Greg was ordered to be chained to what is commonly known as the Center of the Universe, the light pole in front of Mes Amis in Wan Chai. This is the continuation of a Navy tradition that started in 2006 when the Admiral together with LTJG Rauti were chained to the same pole. Sailor Greg surrounded by a bunch of cheering and shouting Sailors obviously quickly drew attention from (predominantly female) passersby. They obviously did not want to miss the opportunity to inflict some pain on poor Sailor Greg. It became quickly apparent that some of torturers showed very professional skills - no wonder given the location. One otherwise decent looking lady was so enthralled by the experience that she came back again and again. In the meantime, poor Greg was kept alive by some supply from the 7-11 store around the corner. At this point, every not-yet-married Sailor pushed out any potential wedding plans by a couple of years at least...

After what must have been endless 45 minutes for Greg, he was finally released from the pole (chains still attached to his ankles) and was then passed on to two caretakers nursing him just so much that he could go on for the rest of the night. The operation then shifted location yet again, with the Admiral cunningly using the confusion of the transition as an excuse to abscond from the mission, leaving the crew in the capable hands of ONC Command.

0200hrs Dusk till Dawn, Wan Chai
Attendance 18 Sailors (POFC Vince finally arrived from Beijing)
Right on time again the whole crew arrived in Dusk till Dawn. The crew was accompanied by the three judges and one or two additional females who must have gotten word from an excellent and fun-filled ONC being underway in Wan Chai. No major incidents to report here, except for CFO Fred passing on the last remaining key for Greg's padlocks (ankles still chained) to ONC Command. After discussing with CPT Streun about additional treatment for Sailor Greg, CPT Streun took the keys from ONC Command and threw them right across the street. Well, that meant that the only remaining key was at the Captain's quarters and Sailor Greg's ordeal would last for another couple of hours.

0300hrs Neptune 3, Wan Chai
Attendance 16 Sailors (CFO Fred MIA)
The schedule once again was executed on the minute, a still very strong crew of 16 Sailors entered Neptune 3 after some discussions with the bouncer whether Sailor Greg's chains could pose some security issue. Well, they didn't. So another hour was spent using long time acquired and proven infiltration and interrogation techniques. All Sailors behaved exceptionally well and it was with great pride that ONC Command reports that no Sailors went MIA during this stage of the operation.

0400hrs Escape, Wan Chai
Attendance 16 Sailors
This is where memories (and ONC Command records) start to get a bit blurred. It is only reported that at least two Sailors went MIA (LCDR Erne and POFC Reto) but no final count could be established any more. Luckily some photographic footage was recovered showing a number of Sailors (well trained in battlefield first-aid) taking care of Sailor Greg - who was still chained and in significantly worse shape than just a short while ago. Photographic footage illustrates this quite graphically.

0500hrs, Wan Chai
Attendance: no records
The remaining Sailors (about 10 if memory can still be trusted) are looking for a shelter / bar / food depending on their individual state of consciousness. ONC Command leaves and goes MIA.

POFC Robin,
ONC Command 2013

With ONC Command having violated the most sacred of all battlefield rules, i.e. never abandon your crew (and thus likely to face court martial), ADM Colani resumed command of the final stage of the operation at 0900hrs in Stanley, where supposedly the survivors of the mission were to congregate for a paddle training. Arriving sharply on time, the Admiral only found a lonely POFC Ruedi resting his weary head again a lamppost. He was declared the only true survivor and winner of ONC 2013!

With CRO Barnaby also joining the party, the three of them looked at the likely possibility of some hard paddling in threesome solitude. To their amazement, however, another ten Sailors eventually trickled in - slightly late, but surprisingly alive, including the still ankle-chained Sailor Greg. Thus, the operation concluded as required - with a paddle session in Stanley, one that probably felt harder than ever for some, but at least they were safe in the knowledge of having achieved one of the Navy's toughest challenges: survival of Operation Nightcrawler!

Well done to all surviving Sailors and to POFC Robin for organising the operation and keeping an important Navy tradition alive!


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