The Admiralty of the Liechtenstein Princely Navy hereby wishes to issue the following complaint in respect to the Repulse Bay Dragon Boat Race on 2 August 2009:

1) According to the Geneva Convention, all rules of engagement must be issued in at least two languages spoken by more than 300 million people (‘Liechtenstinian’ is not considered one of them). Therefore, the Admiralty strongly objects to the fact that all programs, schedules and lunch box collection announcements were solely issued in Chinese.

2) According to the IDBF Standard Dragon Boat Race Start Procedure, the starter is supposed to issue a “READY!” call before calling the actual start of the race. The Liechtenstein Princely Navy wishes to object in the strongest possible way to the procedure employed on the day which essentially consisted of an out-of-the-blue horn, which caused the Navy to completely miss the start of the first heat and thus – despite admirable chugging efforts – finish sixth and last.

3) The Admiralty wishes to protest against the rule (specified only in Chinese of course) which apparently stated that only the first and second placed finishers of the semi-final will qualify for the finals. The Navy’s lack of training since the official end of the dragon boat season and the subsequent decline in fitness levels notwithstanding, the Admiralty strongly feels that the Navy’s valiant fifth place finish in the semis should clearly have been sufficient for a Bowl Final entry.

4) Furthermore, according to the United Nations Human Right Protocol, it is completely unacceptable to send able-bodied Sailors into naval combat at temperatures exceeding 35 degrees Celsius.

5) As a sign of protest, the Admiralty instructed its assembled troops to a) deplete all Foster’s supplies prior to the final event of the day; b) refuse to eat any of the fishballs provided by the organizer and c) relieve themselves in the body of water provided for the purpose of this race.

6) Finally, the Admiralty wishes to thank all Sailor and Mercenaries making the effort to join this event. Meanwhile, Sailor Joerg will be prosecuted for treason (“paddling in enemy uniform while joerging a Fosters”) while SOF James has been declared Monkey of the Day for pouring a case of ice water over the Admiral and the Commander’s entire belongings.

In short, the mission can only be declared a complete success!